Category Archives: Building Confidence

Post highlighting ways in which we can build the confidence of our children

My Child is Not Afraid to Defy Authority And I am Not Afraid to Let Her

My child is not afraid to defy authority and I am not afraid to let her.

Ever since she could talk, my daughter has had something to say about the expectations placed upon her. Keen to stamp her independence firmly on every task or undertaking, L (3.5 years) has always ensured that if it involves her, she has a say in it.

Luckily for her, early on in her life we discovered the work of Magda Gerber and chose to adopt the respectful parenting practices that have guided new parents for decades, RIE. This practise has encouraged her freedom of expression and given her the opportunity to voice her opinion on matters big and small, whilst still being guided gently by her parents.

My Child is Not Afraid to Defy Authority ~ Peaceful Parents, Confident Kids
Continue reading →

Supporting Assertiveness In Young Children: Helping Kids Learn to Stand up For Themselves

6 Replies

Supporting Assertiveness in Young Children: Helping Kids Stand Up For Themselves ~ Peaceful parents, Confident Kids Sibling squabbles are a common occurrence in our house as I am sure they are in many other’s. I have posted relatively frequently on this topic in the past. You can read some of these posts here (Could NOT Forcing Toddlers to Share Help With Sharing Conflicts?) and here (7 Things I Should Know About Helping My Children to Share) and here (Why I Allow My Children to Struggle Over Toys).

There is a common theme amongst my previous posts and that is that my eldest daughter (3.5 years) is quite often the one inflicting pain and misery on her younger sister (2.5 years).

I have learned better than to label my children as bullies or victims, however, and I work hard not to so much as even perceive either of my children in these roles. Doing away with the bully label was quite easy once I started viewing my eldest as a victim of her own unregulated impulses and strong emotions as well as recognising the difficulty she has always had in accepting her younger sister into the household. I have subsequently spent a great deal of time focused on helping her manage these emotions and ensuring she feels understood during her outbursts.

It has recently dawned on me, though, that my focus on this has limited my opportunities to help my youngest daughter develop the skills that could help her to stand up for herself during heated arguments and tussles. Continue reading →

Supporting the Development of Empathy in Children

14 Replies

Empathy2 When do children develop empathy – I mean true empathy? I have always considered empathy quite a complex emotion. According to Psych Central, to empathise with someone is to understand what another is feeling or, more properly, to understand what you would feel like if you were in their situation.

Considering the feelings of others and showing them support through words or actions is a concept that even adults sometimes struggle with. Often our life experiences help to strengthen our empathetic nature, particularly experiences of hardship. Empathy in children is therefore not something I have really paid too much mind to, confident that this, like many of my children’s blossoming traits, will develop over time. Continue reading →

Encouraging Independent Play in Toddlers

32 Replies

Fostering independent play in young children takes time and patience. Some children are naturally more content with their own company but for others, playing independently can be a struggle, particularly if they have been entertained frequently as infants or had play done for them in the early stage of their life.

Encouraging Independent Play in Toddlers ~ Peaceful Parents, Confident Kids

Our eldest daughter is like this and it has taken significant and conscious effort on our part to foster independent play skills in her. For the past three years we have been following the advice of Magda Gerber’s respectful parenting approach. We are now starting to see more independence in her play and contentedness to be on her own as a result.

Here are eight tips that have most helped us in encouraging our toddlers to play independently. Continue reading →

Why My Daughter Engages in Attention-Seeking Behaviour and… Why I Accept it.

17 Replies

Attention-seeking behaviour in toddlers is extremely common. We have experienced our fair share of it with our eldest daughter, Lucy but her recent actions have forced us to analyse the behaviour a little more than usual to help us decide our best course of action.

Over the past several months Lucy (3.5years) has had a strong compulsion to revert to her baby self and by baby self I mean a newborn baby. Characterised by actions that look, sound and feel like we have just brought home a brand new baby, this attention-seeking behaviour had us scratching our heads for quite sometime.

Continue reading →

Why We Should Let Children Take Risks

4 Replies

Risk taking is a natural part of our everyday lives. Many risks we probably don’t even think of as risky: pouring our tea, driving our car, crossing the road etc. We are so used to these things going right that we no longer associate them with danger.

Other risks we take on after careful consideration of the dangers/ pitfalls, the potentials and the overall feeling of worthiness it brings. The risk is at the forefront of our brain and it takes a level of consciousness before the final decision is made. These might include such things as a new job, a big role, parenthood or embarking on thrill seeking adventures etc.

It is important for us to be able to weigh up all the risk factors to make good decisions and keep ourselves safe in our daily lives. Often this can be done without too much consideration, if any at all, as we have the benefit of past experiences telling us the likely outcome.

At one point, though, nearly everything we have done in our lives was a new experience and one that came with an element of risk.

Pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone is often daunting but our ability to do this with a degree of confidence largely stems from our childhood experiences. It often goes hand in hand with how many risks we have been exposed to, how we handled them, the outcome and how the whole experience made us feel; our accomplishment.

That feeling of accomplishment is what makes many of us strive to achieve more and more in life. It makes us jump at the opportunity to take on projects and roles that we might have otherwise shied away from lest we fail. The emotion of pride, stemming from achievement made with an element of risk, is a powerful one and one our children deserve the chance to feel genuinely and often.

It is for this reason that I give my children a certain freedom in their explorations. I weigh up the risk
to benefit ratio for them, consider the worst that could happen and the likelihood and then let them go for it. Continue reading →

Why I Yelled and Why I’m Sorry!

12 Replies

TODAY, I YELLED!

I had had an emotional morning for a variety of (non-kid related) reasons. I found myself spiraling out of control as I was dealing with poop, a child who was objecting to being cleaned and another who was struggling with my mood and being extra clingy. When my clingy daughter tried to push the other away from me as I was trying to clean up the poop, I shouted:

“JUST STOP IT!”

She immediately burst into tears and ran to her room. I let her go. I needed space but I regretted yelling at her. She was reaching out to me, wanting reassurance that I was still her rock, even when I wasn’t feeling the best.

I went to her room after I had taken a couple of minutes to regroup. I knelt down to her and opened my arms, inviting her in. As she allowed herself to be enveloped into my embrace, I apologised wholly and completely. “I am sorry I yelled at you. I shouldn’t have done that and I wish I hadn’t. It doesn’t feel nice, I know, and I want you to know that I will always be here for you and I love you very much.”

She sniffled into my shoulder as we both paused in reflection. Finally she broke the silence with a surprising, thoughtful response. “It’s a ‘liddle’ bit scary when you yell. You must have been very mad, Mummy.” Tears flowed down my cheeks and she wiped them away. “Don’t worry, Mummy, you can have some of my birthday cake!” she empathised.

How could I have yelled at this child? I know why I did but how could I?

The truth is, it wasn’t her; I wasn’t mad at her. I had failed to take care of me and had taken it out on her. Sometimes life puts us in this predicament and we find there is little relief when we need it most. These are the times our emotions sit teetering on the edge, ready to jump out at the next opportune moment.

Just as our children build up their emotions and send them hurtling out at us when they can finally hold them no longer, we too do this. The difference is, we can and should control them. Whilst we can see beyond our children’s anger and emotions and see a hurting child during their outbursts, a child can’t possibly give us the same understanding, they feel our anger, take it on board and turn from us in fear.

This is why making amends is imperative.

The rest of our day was blissful. My daughter had a new sense of calm and tolerance about her which took her right through until bedtime. Taking that little bit of time out to reconnect and reassure her revived her confidence in me and allayed her fears. This then afforded me the space I needed to work through my own issues.

Today I yelled, but tomorrow I will try not to!

5 Steps to a Peaceful Day Care Drop Off

7 Replies

Recently, Miss 3 has begun to demonstrate significant separation anxiety at her day care drop offs. She becomes clingy, and desperately upset when I tell her I am leaving for work.

I know this type of separation anxiety is extremely common and although difficult to experience, I have taken some comfort in the fact that she genuinely feels she needs me and would rather be with me than in the care of others.

I also know, however, that I need to help more with her transition into care. It has been getting increasingly more difficult for me to get away on time and her stress levels must also be through the roof. Continue reading →