It recently occurred to me that with the number of posts I write about the rivalry between my children, it might be easy to conclude that the respectful parenting methods I have adopted to help manage their rivalry over the years have been completely ineffective, otherwise, why would they still rival?
Over the past three years I have made an extraordinary effort to become a respectful parent for the sake of my children. This style of parenting does not come naturally to me and I have certainly had my fair share of slip ups and regressions as I tried and failed to get it right. But I recently figured out where I was going wrong.
Do you wonder in despair whether your children will ever get along? Is it possible for children to shift from sibling rivals to sibling best friends? I believe it is. When we have trust and patience and then look very carefully, we will soon start to see evidence of the emerging bonds between our children as it ever so slowly blossoms and shines through between the storms.
It is completely natural for parents to want their children to get along. I mean, who wouldn’t want their children to be best friends; to look out for each other when we are not there to do so? Sibling relationships are unique and special. They are unlike any other relationship we will have in our lives; however, by its very nature it is not always going to be the idyllic vision we had hoped. Sibling Rivalry, is always going to play a prominent part of most childhoods.
We have been through our fair share of sibling toy fights with our daughters’ fiery personalities and close age gap. Thankfully, since following the wise advice of Janet Lansbury and the RIE parenting philosophy, we are now seeing less and less of these battles as our children are both developing in emotional maturity and have now had significant practice at working through conflict before it gets to the kind of all in brawls we have been used to in the past.
But what do you do as a parent when your children enter the ring for a wrestling match over a toy? Whilst it is important that they are given every opportunity to work through the conflict themselves, they do require parental presence and guidance to help keep them safe. Parental support will also give them the confidence to see the conflict through and find their own resolution.
Sibling squabbles are a common occurrence in our house as I am sure they are in many other’s. I have posted relatively frequently on this topic in the past. You can read some of these posts here (Could NOT Forcing Toddlers to Share Help With Sharing Conflicts?) and here (7 Things I Should Know About Helping My Children to Share) and here (Why I Allow My Children to Struggle Over Toys).
There is a common theme amongst my previous posts and that is that my eldest daughter (3.5 years) is quite often the one inflicting pain and misery on her younger sister (2.5 years).
I have learned better than to label my children as bullies or victims, however, and I work hard not to so much as even perceive either of my children in these roles. Doing away with the bully label was quite easy once I started viewing my eldest as a victim of her own unregulated impulses and strong emotions as well as recognising the difficulty she has always had in accepting her younger sister into the household. I have subsequently spent a great deal of time focused on helping her manage these emotions and ensuring she feels understood during her outbursts.
It has recently dawned on me, though, that my focus on this has limited my opportunities to help my youngest daughter develop the skills that could help her to stand up for herself during heated arguments and tussles. Continue reading
Sibling relationships can be highly volatile but they can also be incredibly special. For many of us with multiple children, it is our dream that they will be best of mates, that they will care for one another, look out for one another and play happily together like all best friends do. The fact is, that at one point this was more than a dream for me, it was an expectation.
Attention-seeking behaviour in toddlers is extremely common. We have experienced our fair share of it with our eldest daughter, Lucy but her recent actions have forced us to analyse the behaviour a little more than usual to help us decide our best course of action.
Over the past several months Lucy (3.5years) has had a strong compulsion to revert to her baby self and by baby self I mean a newborn baby. Characterised by actions that look, sound and feel like we have just brought home a brand new baby, this attention-seeking behaviour had us scratching our heads for quite sometime.