Rage is something many of us have experienced on more than one occasion. It is more than just anger, it normally comes from a feeling of gross injustice; a feeling that boils our blood and we literally feeling like inflicting pain on someone or something in order to satisfy that raw emotion that threatens to undermine our normally level-headed composure.
Children experience the same sense of rage that adults do. In fact, their emotional and social immaturity makes them even more susceptible to experiencing this strong emotion as they lose reasoning and logic in their interactions with others. They come from a self-centred view point and therefore genuinely feel great injustices on an almost daily basis.
When a child is being defiant, it does not indicate that they are bad nor is it a sign of poor parenting. It is a completely normal and natural urge for a child to want to assert their autonomy. Doing the opposite of what they have been asked to do is the perfect way for them to take control of their independence. Resisting our requests is a part of a child’s development, the same way that learning to walk and talk is. Punishing them for wanting to do this, therefore, is like punishing them for existing. Instead, it is important for us to show acceptance; not of the behaviour, but of the child.
Chores – it’s a bit of a dirty word, isn’t it? There are not too many people in my circle of friends who get excited at the prospect of completing chores around the house so it’s not surprising the children aren’t entirely thrilled when they are handed a list they must complete. So what is it about chores that makes it such a dirty word and how can we get kids to do chores without resorting to bribes and threats?
Through days 9 and 10 of the RIE foundations course we examined the ins and outs of conflict. It was both a challenging and moving lesson for me to hear that how we feel about conflict and our experiences with it, are going to have a bearing on what we do in managing children in their conflict.
Today was the 5th day of RIE Foundations and the final day of the first week of this course. It has been an intensive week of learning, clarifying, understanding and internalising how to be a respectful parent.
Over this week I have bonded with a group of 7 other ladies and our wonderful facilitators, Deborah Carlisle Solomon and Michelle who all have the common goal of seeing children treated with respect. It’s been quite a surreal experience with a healthy mix of tears, laughter and debate which has had my head in a whirl. I am grateful for the next two days of quiet, where I can poke my head back out into the real world and contemplate all that has been thrown my way. Continue reading
Being a confident leader is vital for our children if we are wanting to use discipline to guide them to develop their own self-control. When we think of confident leaders in our own lives, someone who flies off the handle at every misdemeanor is not an image we would typically conjure nor is someone who shies away from conflict, lest we hurt someone’s feelings. A confident leader is a balance between these two images and is something that, as an emerging respectful parent, has taken me some time to get my head around.
This phase, too, shall pass!
If there is one phrase that has helped me more than anything else on my rollercoaster parenting ride, it is this little one.
This Phase, too, shall pass!
I can’t remember where I first heard it. It might have been whilst trawling through endless respectful parenting forums searching for answers or maybe as I read through the plethora of wise words on Janet Lansbury’s blog. Either way, they have been nothing short of a God send. They are my sanity savers.
Do you ever lose it at your kids? Like, really lose it? I’m sure for most of us, there are definitely times when we are pushed to the brink by our children and before we know it we have given in to our emotions and lost it at the kids.